redsox_becky

Prior to June and on every Friday since June, Sarah has gone to a couple's home. Together C&B watch Sarah and take wonderful care of her - as though she were their own granddaughter. This morning at 5:30am I got a call that B (papa) passed away. This is completely unexpected and a true shock. B loved Sarah so much. I'd walk in and he'd say that he can't help but spoil her...he held her constantly (her best naps were in his arms) - sang to her - told her stories and held her up so she could look out the windows.

I'm sad because I'm going to miss B.

I'm sad because B reminded me so much of my FIL who we lost 6 years ago - and I feel like I've lost him again.

I'm sad for my daughter because she won't get to know this wonderful man who loved her so much.

I'm sad because every day I tell Sarah how much she's loved. She's loved by her mommy and daddy, by her Oma and Grandpa and by C & B...

I'm sad because my sister kept telling me that I need to get a picture of Sarah with C&B for her baby-book, and now it's too late.

I'm sad because with Sarah being part time, I'm scared that C won't be able to keep Sarah on (MI has very strict rules about the number of children a person can watch under the age of 18 mo at one time). This makes me sad for Sarah.

I'm sad and hurting for C - I can't imagine what it's like to loose a husband and best friend.

Yes, I think it has...but not quite how I expected it to.

For example, I expected Motherhood to make me look like a mother (you know - instantly in my mid-forties regardless of my current age).

I expected Motherhood to make me wise and all knowing.

I expected Motherhood to make me into a child magnet - as in I would instantly be able to deal with and understand kids of all ages.

I expected Motherhood to make me tough.

I expected Motherhood to free me of the food restrictions from Pregnancy.

I expected to be able to read while breastfeeding and watch tv after the baby went to bed.

Instead Motherhood has changed my taste in books. I can't stand to read hard core murder mysteries. A good book with a murder may be ok (for example I could handle Stephanie Plum but not Harry Bosch). The book needs to be more upbeat. No hurt husbands, parents or children.

Motherhood has changed my taste in movies. I never liked the scary or gory, but now I can't handle the tragic either (PS I Love You - forget it, I wouldn't sleep for a month). A good comedy is about all my emotions can handle.

Oh, did I mention I have no time for movies, or tv (what's a TV - seriously?), and who wants to read when you can look down at the suckling angel instead?

Speaking of emotions - motherhood has not made me tough, it's made me emotional. While I am 99% happy, I can cry for no reason at all - or at the drop of a hat - or at a smile, coo, laugh, pout, fart, squeal, etc.

Motherhood has brought me five pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight, but not by choice, rather by lack of choice. As in I have no choice in foods. I can't eat dairy for my own issues. Sarah has decided that she won't allow me to eat any type of raw vegetable, and cooked veggies are limited to corn, red peppers and mushrooms...although perhaps the mushrooms were what caused this mornings aromatherapy...hmmmm

I never thought I'd be excited to feel or hear a poop and enjoy changing diapers! Snot doesn't gross me out when it's hers.

Motherhood has brought me more joys than I thought possible, and put more weight on my shoulders than I ever thought I could bear - yet I'm still walking tall. While it didn't make me tough, it has made me strong.

I adore and treasure my Sarah. She lights up my world. No matter how angry at life I get, how frustrate I become, how sad I am or how unsure of tomorrow I feel, a little smile from her melts everything inside and reassures me that this moment is perfect. This blink of my life with her little toothless grin, which will be gone in a heartbeat, has changed my life...for the better in absolutely every way possible. I will spend my life indebted to her for bringing me such joy and happiness.

My baby girl is 10 weeks old today.

Every day I look her and I think - wow she's getting big...then I think OMG there's no way we've taken enough photos! In 10 weeks we've only taken 1400...where's that camera!!!

No one ever told me that watching my 9 week old daughter get her 3 shots would be more physically and emotionally wrenching than any procedure I've ever gone through - including labor.

No one ever told me that the cuddling thereafter would feel better than anything in the world, mixed with a huge slice of guilt pie - I caused the pain that brought on the cuddling. :(

Where's the easy button again?

Your tip on the socks that stay on baby feet was SOOO true - those are the ONLY ones that stay on Sarah's feet! She has such long feet, that none of the newborn socks have ever come close. Thanks for the tip!!! (any other tried and true ones for this FTM?) I think of you and Nathan every time I put them on Sarah's feet.

My daughter is 4 weeks old today, and for the first time, I managed to take a shower while at home alone with her!

Granted I had to forego making my lunch, but at least I'm clean!!

This has been a Jane Austin weekend. I watched Becoming Jane on Wednesday and then on Thursday with my Mom, and then we watched The Jane Austin Book Club on Friday.

Luckily we purchased Becoming Jane, and not the other one. I thought it was much better. While I know it's loosely based on controversial fact, I enjoyed it as being similar to Pride and Prejudice, Emma and Sense and Sensibility. Actually, if I knew Mansfield Park or Northanger Abby or Persuasion, I'd probably see resemblances to those in the movie as well.

I'm sad that this weekend is over - we had such a wonderful time. It was like a mini-vacation all over two days. Unreal.

Seeing all our friends for the day, just hanging out and "being" was the best. It is amazing to find friends that you haven't known your whole life, but yet they are just that. It's amazing to have friends that you can go months or years without seeing, and sometimes even without hearing from, and yet, when you do see them, it's as though no time at all has passed, and you feel so incredibly blessed for every moment you spend together. It's wonderful to have friends that you knew in college, but didn't really hang out with much, but that you can still get to know better after college and become good friends with.

My grandpa passed away this afternoon (around 1:15 to be exact). He died at home, holding mom's hand, listening to Psalms. He went downhill quickly (like within less than 24 hours). I was shocked to read the email that he had passed. Everyone was in the process of moving him to an extended living home - so this was unexpected in a lot of ways. I know that he really didn't want to move, as it was loosing a big chunk of his independence. In my head I know that this is a better move for him. In my heart I am very sad to have lost such a great grandpa. He'd have been 90 in October.

Today I'm 20 weeks pregnant - I'm at the half way point!!!! (Granted, it's up to BG to tell us where the finish line is, but scientifically speaking, this is the half way point.)


YEAH - Grow baby girl grow!!